I have no idea why I’m here

True story. I have no clue.

Photo by Paolo Nicolello on Unsplash

Throughout my adult life, I’ve written in times of unhappiness. Had a fight with my husband? I’d write in my journal. Extra pregnancy weight that won’t come off? I’d get fit and write a blog about it. A month ago, I was struggling with my current work environment and here I am. But now, things are different. I’m not as stressed as I was a month ago. Yet, I’m still around.

I’m here because I have been able to get things off my chest. I’ve written articles on topics close to me. I’ve felt comfortable sharing. I don’t talk about my challenges with friends so writing has helped me. I’m here because I’ve read some really good stuff. I’m here because I’m inspired. I’m here because at some level, it is filling a void.

I’m not passionate about my career. I don’t have the opportunity to change things right now. If I think back to what would make me truly happy, I can only think of the following.

I love to write. I have always loved to write. So I’m writing. Do I intend to make a career out of it? No. Would I someday like to write a book and have it published? Who wouldn’t? But I can’t sacrifice my career to be able to do so now.

So I wait.

And I write.

And the funny part is that I am learning. I’m reading more. Books on Trust and Fear. So many articles. It’s really opened up my mind.

I’m doing more too. I’m trying new things. I’m focusing on staying relaxed. I’m focusing on improving my Jiu Jitsu. And I’m focusing on being the best possible mother to my children.

Maybe you don’t have to know what you’re doing at a particular point in time. Maybe you just do it and see what happens. When you think too much about the destination, you forget about the road to get there.

I’m currently not focused on destination. I’m focused on the present. I’m here enjoying what I’m reading and enjoying what I’m writing. And that’s perfectly fine with me.

Written by

Indian American. Mama. Wife. VP of Product. I write about personal growth, life lessons, parenting and love.

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